Initial stages of adoption

Initial stages of adoption

It is many years since we adopted our daughter but recently I have been thinking about the whole process. I have been thinking back to the initial,early stages when we were so excited. We had embarked on the process initially wanting to foster, but we soon realised that to make the most difference to a child’s life we would need to put in a lot of emotional energy, and we also felt that it would be hard to do this with a child that we knew was moving on. So we decided to adopt.

This was not a simple decision as we already had a happy family with two children. Why did we make this decision ? It seemed simple at the time. We had been lucky, we had two birth children, we felt that we could help by providing a loving and stable home for a child that had not had this. So we made a positive choice to adopt rather than have our own third child. Looking back this was a very naive decision but at the time it seemed the logical and right thing to do.

Christmas thoughts

This Christmas has been wonderful. We have had our daughters plus partners here, we have had present family and future here and close, we have relaxed and it has not been pressured.

This Christmas has also been sad. It is the second year that our adopted daughter has not been with us and we have not been in close contact with her. I hesitate when I say our ‘adopted’ daughter but having spent many years trying not to distinguish I think it is necessary to clarify. It has been her choice and we have learnt to respect that, hard though it is. After so many years it is very hard to understand that she would choose to be alone rather than sharing Christmas with us, but we know that it is not that simple.

This Christmas we missed my parents with whom we have shared many happy Christmases and our rituals come from them, but they are no longer here to share them with us.

This Christmas has been the celebration of the year that we have shared together and the start of something new as we look forward. It is looking good, but it isn’t always that simple. Sometimes we just need to focus on the simple though.

Next Christmas will be different, it will be the first Christmas where our family home is not the home for one of our daughters. It will mark the start of a new phase. We welcome it. We wonder about our adopted daughter and the place she will be then.